Saturday, April 18, 2020

It's not be "ok"

I began my professional transition in mid to late January. I had high hopes. I dreamed of finally really diving into the writing of my books that I have lightly worked on for years.  I looked forward to the next chapter and all it would entail. I found myself filled with hopes and dreams.

Life was good. The world was "my oyster." All was great.

I spent the first couple of weeks working to prepare for our trip to France. I visited secondhand stores, washing, packing, planning. We had a huge and amazing trip ahead of us. I also spent time carefully following the news of something new and unknown, that which would become a Global Pandemic.

We arrived in Paris France on February 9 after a very long day of travel. I am a germophobe and already planned extra precautions. We took the Metro from the airport to our neighborhood that we would call home for the week. We spent the next several days exploring the city that I loved and that my young daughter dreamed of. We saw the sights and explored everywhere we could. We walked a lot of places, but enjoyed the ease of use of the Metro. I took in each and every moment. I think the kids did too, and for that I am incredibly thankful.

In February, we narrowly had the opportunity to take in the trip of a lifetime. I would move to a flat in Paris in a heartbeat, if my circumstances were different. Maybe someday. Maybe. But for now, it is an amazing place to visit and I am grateful my children had the opportunity to take it in as kids.

We arrived back in California on February 15 to a different world. The first COVID19 death outside of Asia had a Paris...that day. The man was a Chinese national (a tourist) in his 80s who had spent close to a month in hospital in Paris. There was no possible way we would have encountered him. Still, I found myself retracing our steps and counting our blessings. I knew at that point that we were lucky to have traveled when we did. The world was about to change.

It took a little longer to change than I anticipated. Things were slower moving than I expected. Still, the world was different. Life was different.

And here we are. It is now over two months out from our arrival back home. The world is so different. Schools are physically closed with learning continuing in a virtual realm. Concerts canceled. Sports canceled. Life...seemingly...canceled.

My kids are both looking forward to the upcoming plan for for distance learning and devastated by the fact thy can't return to school. We...we...are not ok.

We are hurting. We three are in transition. I am looking to move into a new role. The kids are looking to shift back into their previous district (though it will be different). Life is in a transition at a time where unknowns are the rule of the day. We hurt. And...we are not alone. And...that is ok.

I have friends who have lost parents, aunts, and other loved ones. Funerals are not what they were six months ago. They are hurting and healing and struggling. All I want to do is hug them. But, we cannot travel, we cannot hug, we cannot comfort physically. We can, however, comfort emotionally. And, that is what counts.

No one reading this needs me to say it, but I will. It is ok to not be ok.
It is ok to need each other.
And, right now...we need to reach out to each other. We need to be there for each other more emotionally than physically. More than ever before.

It hurts. We all hurt. We all hurt differently. It is ok to not be ok. If no one else has said it to you, I will and I am.


But, then, we need to accept those virtual hugs. We need to take the phone calls and texts. We need to allow ourselves to laugh at a funny meme on Facebook. We need to be ok with feeling ok at times.

Cry when you need. Laugh when you need. Smile when you need. Reach out when you need. Take it one day, one laugh, one cry, and one smile at a time.

Today. It is ok to not be ok. But please know you are loved and you have someone to reach out to when you need. If you feel lost as if you have no one else, please leave a comment or send an email here.

No pictures. Nothing. Just you and me. This is my post to let you know that it is ok to not be ok. We have days where we are not ok. Do you? Let's come together in our not-ok-ness. <3 Sending your peace and love now, today, and always.